Waiting

I don't know about you, but I am not good at waiting. Not good at all. My oldest "little gentleman" has the same impatience complex I do. I find myself encouraging him that when opportunities of waiting arise, it's just a chance to grow some patience. I think I need to eat my words.

Recently, I have had three opportunities to grow some patience and I'm not sure I did so well. Once situation involved waiting a matter of weeks, another a matter of months and another over a year, yes, over a year, actually in some ways, years! However, God has seen fit to end the waiting (to some degree) in all three areas this week. Whew! I was becoming weary in the waiting.

It disappoints me that I would become weary, worry and stress over things that are not in my control. I know God's word teaches and trains us for these situations, yet I chose the flesh instead of His Spirit. One of my favorite verses that I have to depend on regularly is Philippians 4: 6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything in prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I love this verse, it is simple, straight to the point, it tells you exactly what to do and tells you exactly what will happen if you do it. But many times I choose not do this and how it makes me weary.

Another verse I love is Isaiah 40:31 "Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles. They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary." Ahh, the answer to defeat my weariness, to wait!

Dear Father:
You are wise and loving. Please forgive me of my impatience and choosing weariness instead of waiting for You. Help me (gulp) to be more patient, to remember that You see the end when I only see the beginning.

Vacation

Since it has been 5 months since my last blog, I'm not sure I'll be followed by many readers. However, that is not really my intent in beginning this. I have so many thoughts throughout the day that I wish I could capture. Time flies so fast with the everyday things that you must do and with the precious moments you have with your family, that it helps to sometimes sit down, take a moment and make those intangible ideas, tangible.

In Deuteronomy, it states for parents to share the word of God with your children all throughout the day. I've heard some parents state they found that hard to do. I find it pretty easy to bring up things just during regular conversation. Whether it's a discussion about Hell while making a fire, Heaven while in a cemetary, everyday sin and our need for a Savior. Here is a couple of examples:

N had a bad day with his school work, just a plain terrible attitude. Our rule at our home, if you complain and whine about a chore or task you simply earn more chores. So with the terrible attitude he earn extra school work that day. One part included copying Eph. 6:1 10 times, "Children obey your parents in the Lord for this is right." Fitting, huh? He had to sit at the playroom table and do it by himself while the rest of us talked, played and spent the evening together. When he FINALLY finished, I danced and praised him and just acted plain silly to emphasize how great it was that he was finished, not to mention he was pretty repentive also. But that is exactly how God is when we sin, there are consequences and part of it, probably the worst part is the broken fellowship with God. But when we repent and turn to him, it's just like the prodigal son returning and the celebration begins. I explained that to N and I think he got it.

Another time N and I were talking about being citizens of the USA. I told N that the bible said we are citizens of Heaven when you become a Christian. That this world that we live in now is not our home and that for a Christian, when they die and go to Heaven it is actually just going home. So he said, " So it's like we're just on vacation." I said, yes, we're just on vacation and one day we'll be home.

Introductions

If you know our family already, the post is not really necessary, but you may find it humorous. I thought I would introduce you to "My little Gentlemen".

First, I'll start with my big one. My husband, who I'll refer to as PF. "PF" stands for a term of endearment with use with each other, however if most people heard it they wouldn't think so. I hope it doesn't also stand for anything crude. If it does let me know, please.

We have been married for 10 years. What a decade it has been! We have both changed a lot, some for good, some not so good, but we are still together. I have been praying for him for 12 years, yep a good two years before I met him. I sat down one day and made a list of the kind of person I wanted my husband to be. I started with spiritually, emotionally, then went on to simple likes and dislikes. I never mentioned anything physical, I knew that could take care of itself. One day as I was praying over my list, I listened to the lie that said, "If this person existed he would be perfect and perfect people don't exist". To my dismay, I crumpled up the list and threw it away. When I met PF, I desperately wanted that list to show him. That lie was a twisted half-truth, he did exist and he's not perfect, but he is what I prayed for and who I pray for today.

Next, our will introduce my little gents or "Gentlemen in training" as I like to call them. I'm going to refer to them by their nicknames that their father gave each of them either on the day they were born or shortly after.

The Befores.

First, we have Bear. And that is exactly what he is. He can either be a teddy or a grizzly. At 7 1/2 years old he is already testing his boundaries. He can be my little echo and I have to remind him a lot that it is not his place to correct his brothers. His full-time job is to take care of himself, making sure he is obeying and believe me that is a full-time job. For those of you who know Bear, you either love him or don't. He likes to be in control 100% of the time. His father says Bear is just like him, so now I know who to blame for all my gray hair. Bear is sweet at times and has a tremendous vocabulary, imagination and is very inquisitive and extremely bright. He is always describing different business adventures he will pursue when he is older. Of course in his world you become a man when you turn 10. This will be the 3rd year I have home schooled Bear. It has been a challenge learning how to teach him in way that best fits his personality, but I think I am making progress. For the first time the other day he stated that he didn't want to go to public school that he liked being home schooled. Whew! I wasn't sure I would ever hear those words.

Our next gentlemen is Bug. At 5 1/2 years old, he is already as big as his big brother, however Bear is small for his age. Bug is sweet, kind and sensitive and has a dry witty sense of humor that can really catch you off guard. He is our cream filling in the middle of the Oreo. He absolutely idolizes his big brother. With each future business venture of Bears, Bug is always asking, " I can help you, right?". Bug will be a great husband and father one day. Every night before he goes to bed he must come and give me a kiss, a hug and rubbing (which means he rubs my arm) and I must do the same to him. Every night with out fail. I see in him a protector, defender and a great listener. When he was 3 yrs old, I would have him sit with us as I home schooled Bear kindergarten. He never complained and learned so much. Bug himself starts kindergarten in about a week and a half. I'm excited for him! For weeks now, all he wants to talk about is kindergarten. Here is a quick story about Bug. One night we were praying before his Aunt was coming to visit the next day. He prayed for her to not have a wreck while traveling and not get any bangs in her car. I told him that it was very kind of him to pray for her in which he replied, " You know, I'm thinking I'm like the best kid in the world." Trying to make a learning moment from the situation, I assured him that yes, I thought he was pretty super, but we needed to be humble and not think to much of ourselves. He assured me he didn't think to much of himself except in his dreams and then he thought a lot about himself. We'll have to cover what humble means another time.

Our next gentlemen is our "sweet baby". He doesn't have a nickname like the others I guess because he was with us for such a short time, 25 hours to be exact. He was beautiful and I miss him so much. He is my son just as much as my sons I am raising. He would be celebrating his 4th birthday on August 18th, our only summer baby. We have a celebration planned for that day. It is unique that God has allowed us to get to know 4 other families in our town who all have children that were born in August 2005. In a way, we get to see and celebrate those milestones of their children with them. They would be his playmates, schoolmates, they would graduate together, go off to college at the same time. We get a little glimpses of what his life might have been like.

The Afters.

Now you see the befores and afters. It may seem strange to refer to your children as such, but I can't help but see the gap left in our family, right in the middle. When before, you would take things for granted and life seemed so solid and sound. Then after, you take each breath with a new light and you realize the fragility and gift of each breath.

Peanut, he is our next little gentlemen. He is only 2 1/2, but seems so much older. He is quite a character, loves to dance and can get quite demanding at times. He is very loving and sweet and loves to play pretend. Lately he is either Blue or Steve from Blue's Clues or Bob the Builder. He has learned to shake your hand which is always followed by "Nice to eet you". He is just like a little ray of sunshine. Not too long ago, my husband bought me a Yoo-hoo. I love Yoo-hoos, I could drink the whole 4 pack before I could get home with them. Anyway, my husband made a wise crack to Peanut about Yoo-hoos being momma's crack. Well, Peanut believed him as all kids do at that age. About a week after that my husband bought me yet another Yoo-hoo. I asked Peanut if he would like to have a drink. He just held up his little hand, shaking his head saying, " No, no tank you, that's yours, you can drink it, that's frack!" Then my husband got him to saying, crack is wack, which from Peanut came out, frack is frack.

Our final and I do mean final gentlemen is Hop Toad. Remember I don't nickname them and unfortunately don't get any say in the choice of nickname. So Hop Toad it is. He doesn't exactly hop yet since he is just 4 months, but the day will soon come. He is such an easy baby, loves to smile and sleep all night. Amen!!! He is a joy and a great combination of all his brothers. I look forward to getting to know him and understanding him.

It won't always be like this

I'm not sure exactly how to start so I guess I'll jump right in. My husband is always saying I need a hobby, to which my reply is "When do I have time for a hobby?". However, thanks to migraine headaches, Excedrin Migraine medicine which cures the migraine but the caffeine only allows me to sleep a few hours, here I am. 3:00 am and awake as if it was high noon. I guess it's a good time to start that new hobby.

My mother always had the dream of being a writer. I wish I knew the exact number of books she had read in her lifetime. It would probably be well into the thousands. I myself have never thought much about writing, always thinking of how poor my grammar and sentence structures would be. I have a tendency for run-on sentences, remember those? However, the older I get the more appealing it has become. I read articles in magazines in which the author is a mom who does freelance writing and I think "how fun is that!". Is this God is giving me gift, a new career? I'm not sure, I think it's just because I am realizing what a poor memory I have and if I don't write things down, I'll forget them. My sister and husband constantly will talk about things from our childhood or the past and I just don't remember them. I have tried through my life, starting in my teens to maintain a diary or journal. I would write everyday for perhaps a week and them the next entry would be years later. Typing is so much easier.

Our lives move so swiftly, with no time to slow down. I want to be able to use words to remember. The soft touch, sounds, smells, ideas that will not only capture the memory, but the moment.

I remind myself all the time, "it won't always be like this". On bad days when nothing goes right and I feel like I just want to hide in bed, I remind myself, "it won't always be like this". On the days or early mornings like now, when I have a toddler curled up in my lap with his "boppy" and sippy cup, so soft and sweet, I remind myself, "it won't always be like this".